Ever experienced that crushing pain in your heart not being caused by a cardiac disease? Have you ever cried yourself at night because of memories that keep on coming back to you? Do you find yourself staring nowhere and thinking about what ifs? Well, if you do, I believe that you must have been through a recent break up or still in love with your ex and cannot move on.
How To Deal With A Breakup?
You might think that it’s the end of everything because you gave your all to that person. You have fallen in love… hard. You made him your world. You made him your everything. It was always you and him. Then all of a sudden, it just vanished. Gone. You are here left crying and depress while you don’t know what happened to your ex. Or maybe you still do know because you have common friends who provide you with details about him after you separate ways.
How to deal with break-ups are really hard. But here’s what you need to realize. Everyone you know had a break-up experience at least once in their lives and they survived it. So why can’t you? Right? Dealing with a break-up is all about proper mindset and willfulness of your heart. Yes, it’s true that your heart might be broken but hey, it’s still beating! You just need to sew the pieces together again and you can do this without that person. As a matter of fact, you should do this on your own for yourself.
Now, you keep in mind that bolded letters up there, I want to help you know how to deal with a break-up. This is for you. Not for anyone else.
I know that a break-up is too painful for someone who truly loves. I experienced it first hand and it honestly took me quite a long time to move on. These are the steps that I did during my own break-up which I know will also help you accept the fact, move on and be a better person after the heartache.
1. Have Time With Yourself First
So, how to deal with a breakup? Well, you need to be alone with yourself but do not use this alone time to be lonely and depress. Don’t dwell on that pity and heartbreaking feeling. Instead, have this time with yourself to reflect on that relationship. What were the good things? What were the bad?
Go back to the reason of why you broke up and understand why you ended the relationship. With a great understanding of the cause of ending your relationship, it will help you to accept things easier. Also, use this alone time to reflect and re-discover yourself. If there are good things that have change in you while you are in that relationship, keep it and nurture it because this will become handy once you start a new relationship again. If you develop something bad and it may or may not be the reason of your break-up, throw it away. You now realize that it is bad, so there is no point in keeping that trait along with you as it might also ruin your future relationships. During this time, you have to accept the fact that you are no longer together and from that time on, you should live and deal with it.
2. Go Out With Friends And Families
Losing one person doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world for you. You still have to enjoy. Enjoy life with your family; catch up with your friends. When you were in that relationship, you have limited time to enjoy the company of others because you tend to spend more time with your ex-partner. Since you spent too much time with him/her, you became dependent and you got use to spending activities with him/her making the break-up process hard because you can’t go grocery or do other activities without thinking about him if you do it together before. But with the presence of families and friends for support, you will be able to distract yourself from that thought.
You may remember him/her for awhile, but you can divert your attention if you have company to talk to while doing those certain activities. While going out with a company, you can forget everything. Distraction is the key to forgetting and this is a very helpful way to forget your past.
3. Love And Rediscover Yourself
This is my greatest realization ever. No one can love myself better than me. Not him. Not her. Just me. Once you love yourself, you’ll realize your worth. Take note that you are very priceless. You’re a gem. You’re a star. You should be taken care of and not left out there to cry. When you learned to love yourself, you become someone new. You tend to forget the negativities of life and you rediscover yourself. You may return to old hobbies or try new ones that you never thought you will be interested in.
With loving yourself comes the will to mend your heart as you realize that no one should have any reason to make you cry nor hurt you. With loving yourself comes a new realization that you have a bigger and brighter world out there waiting for you to explore. And with loving yourself, you become worthy of who you really are.
With all of these positivity in your life now, it will make you happy. A person who is happy in his/her life will not hold hatred anymore, thus, forgiving comes in easy. You can forgive the person who broke your heart and caused you those sleepless nights and that painful heart. Once you have forgiven your ex, trust me, a big burden will be lifted off your shoulder and your heart will feel lighter.
4. Talk To Your Ex
Yes, talk to your ex. You might be surprised that I included this one and you might say that there is no reason to talk to him/her anymore because from the last 3 steps, you have already accepted, forgot and forgave. But then again, I have my own reasons as to why I included this one.
First, you’ll only know that you have truly moved on and dealt with the whole break-up process well if you meet the person who caused it and you feel nothing. So okay, you may still feel a slight thump on your heart or you may still care for that person, but that just it… a thump and a care. Nothing more, nothing less. The thump may be caused by that missing him/her feeling. However, missing a person doesn’t really mean it’s still romantic. You can miss a friend or a family member without a romantic feeling, right? Same goes with this one. You might miss your activities together or the person himself/herself but that doesn’t mean that there is still that romantic feeling of love. And the care? Well, it’s normal that you care for a person. You even help a stranger in need because you care even if you don’t know that person. How much more if you do?
Secondly, you are given enough time to heal your wound. The three steps before this one, made sure of that. You cannot complete that alone time with yourself in a day, go out with your family and friends the day after and rediscover yourself on the third day. No. Those three steps take several months to complete and by then, you will be surprise that time has healed all your wounds and you are ready to face another challenge of full recovery. So, basically, meeting and talking to your ex is very essential and perhaps the hardest but this step holds the key result to finally let everything go away.
5. Meet New People
You may ask me as to why I put this on the very last step when most people advice that you do this right after a break-up to divert your attention and distract you from sadness. Well, the answer to that is very simple. You do not want a rebound relationship.
It may be true that you may find new love right after a break-up. But who are you kidding anyway? You cannot love yet when you have that anger or pain in your heart. Falling in love means having a clean heart that is ready to love and risk getting hurt again because love is not all roses and chocolates.
When you meet people right after a break-up, you are weak and vulnerable. Men and women alike tend to take advantage of your vulnerability and instead of the distraction and happiness you get from that new meet up, you might be off for another heartache without healing the previous one first.
Now, I put this on the very last step on how to fully recover and deal with a break-up because on the previous steps, you were healing yourself all throughout the process. You had acceptance, you forget, you forgive and you let go. This is the best time to meet new people because you are fully healed. This is the best time to widen your connections. This is the best time to get to know others and maybe, this is the best time for you to meet a new person to fall in love again with. And maybe, this is person is the best for you to spend your life forever with.
Indeed, break-ups are hard and recovering from it takes a long process. You can make shortcuts though, but I tell you that these shortcuts will not fully heal your heart and can do more harm than good as it can destroy future relationships once the past comes back. Hence, taking the long journey to recovery and making sure that the past have been settled, will be more of an advantage. Just be patient. Everything has its own proper time and once it’s the right time for you, trust me, everything will fall into its rightful place and you will be happy.